Irate Irishmen Strike All Over France

No rest for the weary.


A mother, 46, and three daughters aged 14, 12 and eight, were stabbed today at a mountain resort in Laragne-Monteglin in the French Alps, but no fatalities are reported in this latest outbreak of Irish misbehavior. I was remiss earlier, when discussing the German train incident, in not adapting my usual prayer to accommodate non-fatal incidents; I do so here: May God bring healing to the injured.

As usual, it would be Racist if not Islamophobic to blame any other group for this, so I won’t. I’ll note that the French authorities are pious adherents to the secular religion of tolerance, even in these trying times, with local prosecutor Raphael Balland stating that the “motive of the attack was unclear” and that the attacker “uttered no word of a religious connotation.” He points this out, you see, just so we all focus on what’s important. For my part, I have $5 on “Remember the Maine!” as this Irishman’s excited utterance at the moment he plunged his knife into soft child-flesh. Though there have been reports that the assailant was displeased with the attire of the victims, deeming it too scanty. How Victorian!

In other news, an unidentified armed man — whom I presume to be Irish — has barricaded himself inside a budget hotel in Bollene in southern France. He is suspected of possessing explosives, and police have evacuated the area immediately surrounding the hotel. No word on motive.

The Irish sure are an energetic people.




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