Gunman shoots up a house party in an affluent Seattle suburb. Three dead and one wounded but expected to survive. May God have mercy on the souls of the dead, and bring healing to the injured and comfort to the bereaved.
The police have captured a suspect but the press is being coy about identifying him. Coyness is unusual with White suspects, yet my recently invented Leaded Rule of Race and Marksmanship suggests that the shooter is White or Asian because the killed-to-wounded ratio is much better than 1:1. Not yet willing to put money on Asian specifically, just by process of elimination based on press coyness, so we’ll have to wait and see once the charging documents and mugshot are released.
If, this summer, your friends invite you to join them at a nightclub in Florida, perhaps the best course of action would be to decline. Just watch old Matlock re-runs at home instead. June saw mass murder at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, carried out by an Irishman named Omar Mateen; July saw a mass shooting at Club Blu in the town of Fort Myers — which took place at the end of an alcohol-free youngsters’ night, of all things. We can only speculate as to what August will bring.
Though both these incidents were nightclub mass shootings in Florida, in key respects they were very different affairs. I am a “people person,” so I start with a closer look at the suspected perpetrators, even though the press, the President, and all the great and good of our country hesitate to do so — when the suspect is non-White, that is: the Dylann Roof affair shows this tendency to avoid dwelling on the suspect to be a bit, well, selective.
One thing struck me after the recent Irish outrage in northern France, the one in which two knifemen (nearly) beheaded a priest at his alter while shouting “remember the Maine!” or words to similar effect: News reports state that French churches are now clamoring for more armed police security. I’ve travelled widely in Europe and North America, visiting plenty of churches over the years, and have rarely — to the point of never — seen a church with a visible security presence, except perhaps crowd control at major tourist attractions like Notre Dame. Even the Swiss Guards at the Vatican are, these days, more for comic relief than anything else. When a nation is secure within its own borders, it doesn’t need to fortify its houses of worship.
Order has returned to the cosmos, with the Irish taking their rightful place back at the head of Europe’s terrorism and violent crime headlines. Their temporary displacement by the Vikings must have irritated them tremendously, because since the Berserker attack in Munich they have struck back at a furious pace to reclaim the crown. May God have mercy on the souls of the dead, bring healing to the injured and comfort to the bereaved.
First on our list: On July 24, a machete-wielding 21 year old Irishman hacks a pregnant women to death and injures two or three others in the town of Reutlingen, Germany. He only stops when hit by a car and knocked to the ground.
Nine victims shot dead in a shopping area in Munich; lone shooter apparently commits suicide after attack. May God have mercy on the souls of the dead, and bring healing to the injured and comfort to the bereaved.
Loyal readers may ask: Why do I blame the Vikings for this attack, when everyone knows that one must always blame the Irish for these sorts of things?
I have a fondness for the humor stylings of Dave Barry. This fact probably makes me an unreasonably old man, psychologically, but I’ve learned to accept it. I’m also a fan of his digital-age spiritual successor, the Florida Man feed on Twitter and Reddit. I feel that these fine news sources carry on the decades-long tradition of mining the sheer high-concentration weirdness of that state for comedy gold.
Interior Minister Belongs to Piraha Tribe, Can’t Count Past Three
I have previously remarked upon the danger posed to Europe by a united Germany. But at the time I did not long dwell on the danger the united Germans also pose to themselves. The point is clear, though, when you think about it: Germany set Europe on fire twice in the 20th Century, but in each case the German people suffered nearly as much as anyone else involved, thanks to the pig-headedness of their leaders and the plodding obedience of their people. To fight Stalingrad and think that pressing on with total war was a good idea? By contrast, the Italians also elected a Fascist government and fought on the wrong side of World War II, but they were incapable of meaning it in the same way the Germans did, so capitulated to the Americans in a rather more perfunctory style and nobody seems to dwell upon it much anymore.
And so it is today: While Germany’s Million (Irish) Migrant Mob is causing hardship and instability around the European continent, the Germans are suffering alongside the rest of Europe, as recent developments show.