By now we have all heard of the recent deadly terrorist attack at Istanbul’s main international airport. May God have mercy on the souls of the dead, and bring healing to the injured and comfort to the bereaved.
That being said, I’ll let you in on a little secret: Whenever I hear of a deadly bombing or mass shooting these days — anywhere in the world — my mind immediately leaps to the Irish. “Those goddamned Irish,” I’ll exclaim to my wife, “they’re always up to no good! Something should really be done about the Irish.” My wife knows instantly why I blame the Irish: They have a long and troubled history of committing terrorist attacks, and it would be downright Racist if not Islamophobic of me to even think of any other group.
So you can imagine the shock and surprise I felt today when I found out that the Islamic State was the prime suspect in this most recent terrorist atrocity, not the IRA. After all, political leaders from the left and the right have all been assuring me for years that Islam is nothing if not a Religion of Peace™. Moreover, we’ve been warned strongly and consistently in recent weeks by the mainstream media that a win for Brexit would inflame Irish terrorist passions, and I can’t help but notice that this airport attack took place only days after the “Leave” campaign won the Brexit referendum.
The mainstream media strongly and consistently decry Islamophobia after every high-profile terrorist attack these days, stating that the “breadth and severity of Islamophobia in America can no longer go unnoticed. Enough is enough.” These commentators obviously see anti-Muslim attitudes and actions as some kind of blood libel — an irrationally violent reaction to spurious and wholly invented crimes falsely and maliciously attributed to a hated out-group.
Muslims never do anything wrong; any mass fear or suspicion of Muslims can only be attributed to the bigotry and hatred of Evil White Men. So you see, it would be a HateCrime even to think of Muslims — or really, anyone apart from the Irish — when first hearing of a terrorist attack. I must add that our fearless President Obama, law professor that he is, does nothing if not set a good example in this regard, going out of his way to characterize the recent Orlando nightclub shooter, 12 hours after the fact, as a “person full of hatred,” whose “precise motivations” were not yet known and who may or may not have had contact with nameless “terrorist groups.” The President scrupulously avoided the expressions “Islam” or “Muslim” in his remarks — which is as it should be! I read the transcript of his speech and instantly pegged the gunman as a disaffected, intoxicated, overweight, belligerent middle-aged Irishman; the incident did take place in a bar, after all! And since President Obama promised the country that “we’ll learn about the victims of this tragedy” including their “names,” “faces” and “who they were,” while making no such promises with respect to the gunman, I figured that my initial suppositions must have been the sum and substance of the matter. The media and the Western political establishment has long taught me that it is simply inconceivable to link Islam with any sort of violence or terrorism. Criminal, even.
I’ll let you in on one other secret, but I’m not sure how it’s related to all this: My chiropractic bill has recently gone through the roof! Seems like I’ve been suffering a lot of whiplash these days. Istanbul Airport. Magnanville, France. Orlando Nightclub. Istiklal Street. Brussels Airport & Metro. San Bernardino. Bataclan & Stade de France. Metrojet. Sousse Beach Resort. Hypercacher. Charlie Hebdo. I can almost detect a pattern here, but I know better than to complete the thought. I am a good, polite, law-abiding person, after all.
Better to keep on blaming the Irish and buy a neck brace, I suppose.